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Hippies. I don’t hate them, I just think anti-hippie sites and videos are hilarious.  If you consider yourself a hippie, sorry if this offends you . . . just get a good laugh out of it.
  “They’re not people, they’re hippies!”

  “Hippies.They’re everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.”

  “Naw dude, Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They’re always about gay cowboys eating pudding.”

  “Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you’re a hippie and hippies suck.”

  “I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about “protectin’ the earth” and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate ‘em! I wanna kick ‘em in the nuts!”

  “Only three more hours, sea people. Only three more hours and you can take me away from this crappy goddamn planet full of hippies.”

~ Eric Cartman

            I don’t hate all hippies, I just believe that defense tactics against a level four drum circle are as amusing as the zombie defense strategies. Here are a few nonviolent tactics to hippie free your home:

SCISSORS: Of course, not to injure the hippie, but to simply cut off their dreadlocks. This will likely result in psychological stress that will turn them . . . normal.

SOAP ON A ROPE: Incase that drum circle envelopes you, always keep soap on a rope in handy. This will keep a 4 ft radius between you and the hippies.

TICKS: Self explanatory, hippie hair is a great playground.

            Always remember, hippies, no matter how hippiesh they seem, are nothing more than distasteful rich kids that are revolting from the way their parents raised them. They can also be dangerous:

 Hippies trying to blow up a propane tank:

Hippies make the news,

Tommy Chong on the Colbert Report, the new Paris Hilton Expert: